


Let Me Breathe

by Vu1p3cu14



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dance, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awesome Gwen (Merlin), BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Dancer!Merlin, Denial of Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Good Morgana (Merlin), Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Merlin is a Little Shit, Oblivious Arthur, POV Arthur, POV Merlin (Merlin), Sassy Merlin (Merlin), Slow Burn, Uther Pendragon's A+ Parenting (Merlin), Writer!Arthur, gaius doesn't wanna deal with their shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23639353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vu1p3cu14/pseuds/Vu1p3cu14
Summary: Prompt: In the midst of writer's block, an author goes to sit at a bus station looking for inspiration. They get more than they bargained for.Arthur is 'helpfully' kicked out of the office and wants to find some inspiration outside without getting too distracted, while Merlin just wants to make rent without getting a concussion."No one in the world gets what they want and that is beautiful."- They Might Be Giants
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 37





	1. This Really Could Have Gone Better...

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first work I'm publishing on here so get ready for a wild ride!
> 
> Also, big thank you to my friend zzlife17 for the beta read <3
> 
> I don't own Merlin or any of its characters, credit goes to BBC :)

_Screw this._

Arthur deleted another page and kicked his chair in frustration. His deadline was coming up fast and now all he saw when he looked at the words he wrote were fumbling, floating letters. In a whirlwind of ideas he couldn’t pin down, he started to pace up and down his office. 

The room was immaculate, to the point where it sometimes felt uninviting… At least to Arthur. A desk sat domineering in the middle of the room, and though it was where Arthur spent most of his time, it hardly looked lived in. The only other notable things in the room would be the line of bookshelves at the back of the room, and a huge window looking out over the London skyline. Anything else would be a ‘distraction’.

He took a deep breath just like his father taught him. He sat back down and stared at the blank document for another 10 mins until a beautiful pale black-haired woman threw open the door strutted into his office. 

“Have you ever heard of knocking, Morgana?” Arthur drawled. She smirked at him. He hadn’t even looked up from his computer.

“Hello to you too, brother.” She looked him up and down, noting the bags under his eyes and the unusual sagging in his usually perfect posture. Her smirk quickly faded into a small frown. “When was the last time you ate?” she asked in a rather accusatory tone that Arthur deemed unwarranted. 

“Sometime this week.” He waved a hand dismissively. “Is there any point to this conversation, Morgana? I’m a very busy man.” Apparently that was the wrong answer, Arthur saw his sister’s frown grow and she stepped closer to his desk with her hands planted firmly on her hips.

“So it would seem… How long have you been staring at those non-existent words? Or are they in a white font?” Arthur sighed. _Sharp as ever, Morgana._ He rolled his eyes. “Alright, so I’ve stumbled into a bit of a writer's block. What’s your point?” 

Her trademarked smirk returned. “Are you asking for my help? Has the great Arthur Pendragon finally caved and dained to ask his sister, a mere editor, for _help_?” Arthur rolled his shoulders, resulting in an alarming number of popping and cracking noises. 

“Less mocking and more advice, Morgana.” He glared lightly at his sister. Her smirk only widened at his grumbling. 

“Well you obviously need a change of scenery, because being cooped up in this place,” she gestured to the room at large with a sour look on her face, as though it smelled like rotten eggs and then personally offended her, “isn’t doing you any favors.” He scowled. Arthur hated it when Morgana was right. 

“Go take a walk somewhere, and get some food while you’re at it,” she looked at him pointedly. “I don’t want to see you back here for the next two days, maybe sleep in your flat for a change.” He eyed her warily. The look on her face left no room for argument. He sighed and raised his hands in surrender.

“As you will… but if I’m kidnapped or killed, let it weigh heavy on your conscience.” She gave him an over-exaggerated and quite obviously fake pout, and he found himself struggling not to laugh. Morgana always knew just what he needed and how to make it happen.

It was infuriating.

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Arthur strolled down Victoria Gardens and was drawing a blank. Standing amongst all these beautiful flowers, not a single one inspired him. Frustrated, he started to walk faster in a random direction, and eventually found himself in front of Charing Cross Station. _There’s bound to be interesting people in there, right?_

Arthur had never been inside Charing Cross, nor any other tube station for that matter. He was used to cars as transport and liked it that way, thank you. But something had always drawn him there. To the pubs his father thought were below them, to the *special* clubs that he’d be skinned alive if he ever stepped foot in because ‘he had a reputation to maintain.’ Arthur shook his head as if to dislodge those unsavory thoughts. The last thing he needed to do while looking for inspiration was thinking about his father. He took a breath and stepped up to the imposing building and through the doors into a blinding new world.

After a blast of cold air Arthur stared around at the scene before him. High glass-paneled ceilings with loads of entryways going his way and that. He wandered around aimlessly for a while, slightly shell shocked. What took his breath away was all of the _people_. This was perfect, he was absolutely flooded with ideas...

He went down into the underground, found himself a place to sit, and took in the picture in front of him. Loads of people scurrying past, trying to get to the right tube, each with their own story that Arthur was determined to capture. Then something other than the sound of the footsteps and the chatter rose above it all. Music. It had a lazy beat and deep bass. _But where is it coming from?_ Arthur scanned the crowd once more and his gaze found onto a dark-haired man with piercing blue eyes. They locked eyes, and he took Arthur’s breath away.

It wasn’t just his eyes. It was the way he moved. He had perfect control over those lanky limbs and his fluid movements were more graceful than anything other than a cat had any right to be. It was unfair, Arthur decided. His unfair face with his overly large ears and unfairly prominent cheekbones and _those lips just shouldn’t be legal._ Completely unfair. 

Arthur frowned. _What am I thinking?? Obsessing over a beautiful face(did I just say beautiful)_ He shook his head with a grimace. _I’m here to work, can’t be getting distracted._ Then that little voice in his head pointed out that he was undoubtedly inspired by the dark-haired man. Arthur pummeled that voice into submission and shoved it into the back of his mind.

He took a breath and looked down accusingly at his notebook like it was the one distracting him( _who said he was distracting me?_?) then sighed, got his pen out of his pocket and turned to a fresh page. The music changed and Arthur looked up. The dancer was absolutely mesmerizing. He was moving in a subtly seductive way that should be illegal as public indecency. 

Without his consent, his hand had begun flying across the no-longer-blank page in his notebook. The dancer looked back at him again and smiled slowly as though they had just shared a very important secret. The black tank top he was wearing did nothing to hide the muscles rippling under the flimsy fabric, and honestly, no one had the right to look that good in sweatpants. Arthur couldn’t help but stare, all the while his pen was still moving just as gracefully as the dancer was. 

Speaking of, Arthur must have had some sort of (dopey) look on his face because the dancer giggled and made a show of looking at him slowly up and down. Something in the intense gaze he was leveled with made Arthur look down with a slight blush he’d deny existed ‘till his last breath, right at the page where he found the beginnings of a story. He gaped at it like a fish out of water. There was another giggle from the other side of the platform but Arthur was too busy reading to notice it.

The story was about a gypsy stealing the heart of a wandering knight and the freedom they found together. Arthur frowned and felt a flush creeping up his cheeks. _What is this?? I can’t possibly use this! Father would never…_ He was getting ready to tear the offending pages out of his notebook when something stopped him. This was the kind of story he truly loved writing, even if this bit was not a fantastic piece of writing. _If I finished it and did a bit of editing on my own… It would make a nice little short story, even if it’s never published…_ He found a real smile on his face for the first time in years, and just as he turned to a new page to continue writing, something interrupted his music.

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Arthur looked up in time to see a bloke in black pushing over an old lady into someone else knocking them both over and taking her purse, while another bugger stole a briefcase right out of a younger man's hands. At the same time a third bloke, (apparently the least intelligent of the lot) went for the hat at the dancer’s feet, which was clearly a mistake. 

When the tosser leaned down to grab it, the dancer kneed him in the face with a sickening crack few people heard over the chaos. The man reeled back and aimed a haymaker at the dancer’s head, which he dodged, but unfortunately stumbled over bags sitting beside. He fell into the pillar behind him hitting the back of his head on the way down.

Arthur jumped up out of his seat and rushed over to wear the dancer had fallen, noting vaguely that the music had stopped. He pushed through the commotion to find the dancer looking quite dazed, attempting to sit up, holding the back of his head and grimacing. Arthur knelt quickly to help him.

“You alright there?” The dancer just stared at him for a moment, then smiled a little. Arthur assessed him for other injuries, then when finding nothing more serious than a few scrapes found the dancer looking at him with a slight smirk on his face. 

“I’m flattered but this is the wrong time to be checkin’ me out, mate.” Arthur scowled and hauled the dancer unceremoniously to his feet. This was when several things happened in very quick succession.

First, they heard the rush of air indicating the imminent arrival of the train. Then one of the bloody thieves that Arthur admittedly forgot about knocked him back to the ground, sending his prized notebook, the one that held his thoughts and dreams, his life, flying out of his hand and onto the tracks. Then the train arrived, tearing it to pieces right before his eyes.


	2. Wait Why Are We Arguing Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur still doesn't know what he's doing and doesn't find out in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo for all of my visual people(like me), I was thinking Merlin's outfit was about like this:  
> https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/2108/5341/products/plus-minus-co-light-grey-s-elastic-waist-modal-yoga-pants-men-with-pockets-sports-pants-loose-tai-chi-pants-baggy-yoga-harem-pants-sportswear-sweatpants-7538926977127_427x640.jpg?v=1586529037
> 
> Then Arthur's looking a bit like this:  
> https://www.xhaami.com/2019/04/business-casual-dressing-men.html
> 
> Then Gaius's apartment looks like this(actually an apartment in London where it is in the story):  
> https://odis.homeaway.com/odis/listing/21bdc84a-8e85-4fa0-90b6-8929545a7386.f6.jpg
> 
> https://luxo.estate/properties/buy-property-in-covent-garden/

Arthur landed hard on the cold concrete and he didn’t even register the pain that shot through his arms and lower half. The only thing he saw was the tiny scraps of paper now floating down to the gravel where the train was just a moment ago. 

He sat there in a daze, the buzz of insignificant voices around him. And that’s what they were, insignificant. That notebook, the last gift his mother gave him, was just shredded into oblivion. 

Arthur ripped himself out of his shocked state because _Arthur Pendragon does not show weakness no matter what, let alone in front of all of these witnesses._ He looked around despite the throbbing building in his head to take in his surroundings.

Then he remembered. The robberies, the handsome dark-haired man with an unfair accent. Speaking of, he was propped up leaning against the pillar nearest them looking quite as out of it as Arthur felt. It seemed he had hit his head harder than it first appeared when he had fallen. Likely concussed by how sluggishly he was moving.

Arthur stood up slowly and looked at the man next to him. “How’s your head feeling?” The dancer looked up at him and grimaced.

“About like that train ran over it instead of that book of yours.” Arthur’s expression probably mirrored the dancer’s pained one. He sighed.

“Come ‘ere. What’s your name anyway?” Arthur asked in a way he hoped sounded disinterested. At the same time, he stepped forward and put the man’s arm around his shoulder to help him forwards. He tried not to be distracted by the heat of the body next to him and the lean muscles pressed against his bulkier ones.

The dancer eyed him suspiciously and chose to ignore Arthur’s question in favor of asking his own. “Where’re you takin’ me?” Arthur frowned. He thought it was fairly obvious.

“Clearly, I’m taking you to a hospital,” he huffed, trying to restrain the thinly veiled irritation in his words. He has already had such a miserable day, he just wanted to get this over with. 

_Do I really? Who knows when I’ll next see this one… the next time I’ll see him dance._ Thinking about the way the body next to him moved when there was music made a blush come crawling back up his cheeks. He shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind and focused on the situation at hand.

The situation being the dancer jumping at the word ‘hospital’ and stumbling away from the man holding him upright. Arthur righted him when he started swaying where he stood. Arthur looked at him completely perplexed.

“No! I mean…” the dancer took a breath to compose himself. “No, that’s really not necessary.” At Arthur’s raised eyebrow he hurried on, “I’m fine, see! Fresh as a daisy!” He gave Arthur a very unconvincing grin and spread his arms out as if to show how independent he could be. The picture was ruined when he winced painfully and held his head in one hand.

“Look, mate. You can barely stand. We need to get someone to see you.” The dancer sighed. _Why is he being so bloody difficult? He obviously needs help, why’s he being so stubborn_? Then he reminded himself that he really had no room to talk about being too stubborn. He sighed again, louder this time.

The dancer looked down, then when he looked back up at Arthur, it was with a pitiful pleading look in his eyes. It tugged on heartstrings Arthur didn’t know existed. He had a feeling this man could ask him to cut off his writing hand and give it to Morgana as a wedding present, and he’d do it if he gave Arthur that look.

“Please. Just not one of those… places.” The dancer shivered at the thought. He shook his head slowly like he was trying to dislodge unpleasant memories.

Arthur sighed for the third time since he had met the man in front of him; it seemed that he just couldn’t get enough air. 

“Fine. Where can I take you? I’m not letting you try to get anywhere on your own and I’m certainly not leaving you alone,” he said gruffly. The dancer made a face and Arthur gave him a stern look. “So. Where are we off to?”

“Alright, my roomie’s out but my uncle’s got a flat ‘round here. You can take me there.” He seemed to have given up and let Arthur half-carry him out of the station. As they trudged around Central London, Arthur had to remember how walking actually worked because he kept getting distracted by the actual _devil incarnate_ next to him.

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

  
  


“You’re really built for a bloke in a business suit, you work out much?”

“You know, while you was writin’ I couldn’t help but notice how bloody big your hands are.”

And Arthur had to just grit his teeth and keep breathing. This man was going to be the death of him.

  
  


“Your eyes are like the sea before the storm, did you know? Well, they are.”

“I reeeeally liked ‘ow you watched me dance, want to do it again sometime?” With a flirtatious wink.

  
  


His heart was racing and it had nothing to do with carrying the weight of the body draped on his shoulder. _He’s surprisingly heavy for someone who looks like a stick. Must be all that muscle he likes to show off._ He sighed again for the umpteenth time since meeting the dancer.

“Well, I must be a bit heavy, with all your huffin’ and puffin’.” He shot Arthur a lopsided smirk that made him uncomfortable in all the right ways, so he glared.

“It’s not because you’re heavy, you daft git. **It’s just I can’t seem to breathe properly around you is all.”**

The words fell out of his mouth before he knew what he said. 

When that realization hit him, his eyes widened and he sucked in a harsh breath. _That doesn’t mean anything, he doesn’t have to take it that way and if he does then that’s his own bloody fault._ He took a breath to recompose himself and looked straight ahead.

When Arthur collected the courage to look at the dancer out of the corner of his eye, the man next to him had an expression that no concussed person had any right to have. It was calculating and seemed to peer right into Arthur’s hummingbird heart. Then he laughed and the tension around them dissipated.

“This is it. You can leave me here.” The dancer tried to extract himself but Arthur held on tight. 

“I bloody well can not! I don’t trust you an inch finding the right door, let alone getting up any stairs.” The dancer huffed in defeat. “Right. Hand over your mobile.” He held out his hand expectantly.

“What for??” The dancer squawked indignantly when Arthur snatched it from the hands holding it protectively to his chest. Arthur rolled his eyes.

“To call your uncle, obviously.” He sighed while scrolling through the contacts. He found one named ‘Uncle Gaius’ _well that was easy_ and dialed the number. A gruff, irritated sounding voice answered on the second ring.

“Merlin? What is it now boy? You haven’t been arrested have you, you know I can’t afford bail.” Arthur hesitated, first thrown off by the name, _really? Merlin and Arthur meeting at a station, you must be joking,_ then by the flow of accusatory, almost comical words that followed.

He turned to look at _Merlin_ , who was covering his face in his hand, and Arthur had to cover his snort of laughter with a cough. “Um no, sir. His is a... umm, a friend of your nephew.” He wished he had sounded more intelligent with less stuttering. “We were at the tube station when he was injured so I’ve taken him to your building. Would you mind taking us up? He’s not quite in his right mind.” Arthur smirked a little at the smack on the arm he got for that.

There was a loud sigh on the other end of the line and some muttering that might have been cursing until Gaius said, “Yes, well, I’ll be there momentarily.” and the line went dead.

A few minutes filled with grumblings from Merlin later, an old man with white hair came hobbling towards them at an impressive speed for his age. The moment he arrived, he exploded, and both boys cringed on instinct.

“What have you done?” He demanded. “You look like you were run over by the train instead of riding it!” Arthur looked down at his torn and dirty clothes, plus the cuts and scraps up and down his body. Uther was going to kill him and Morgana was going to have a field day. Merlin’s clothes were already dirty so he looked a little worse for wear. 

“Well you see sir,” Arthur started, eyeing the man cautiously. “We were at the station when there was a series of robberies and Merlin fell over and…” Merlin cut him off sharply with a series of curses. 

“My bag and music thing and earnings, shit, they’re all gone. Some muppet gone and nicked ‘em.” He looked like he was about to pass out. Arthur frowned. He was right. In the rush to get on the tube, someone could have easily taken those items without them noticing, with the state they were in. Or even after, during all of their bickering.

Arthur realized Gaius was talking and quickly tuned back into the conversation. “...here and rest while I call Gwen and get you two patched up.” Arthur’s eyes widened and he was quick to decline. 

He couldn’t let some stranger help him like this. No, he’d walk back to his car at the office, it wasn’t that far. Then he’d go back to his flat and… _And do what exactly? Sit alone and start the mourning process? Try to find another suitable notebook? No… but there had to be some other option._

It was Gaius who interrupted that train of thought. “I will _not_ let anyone who has helped my s-nephew go prancing around looking like that,” gesturing to Arthur’s disheveled appearance. Arthur opened his mouth to protest and was silenced by a look that was remarkably similar to a look one was leveled with when one dared to disagree with his father. 

_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

  
  


He allowed himself to be dragged to a sophisticated sunlit apartment. The neutral color scheme fits the Japanese layout with circular interior windows and sliding doors. The boys were sat down on a comfortable beige couch while Gaius busied himself in the kitchen and Arthur took in his surroundings. 

Merlin had been conspicuously quiet for the past 10 minutes and it was starting to concern Arthur. The entire time Arthur has known him, (which admittedly hadn’t been that long), he had never shut up. Arthur nudged him with his elbow.

“What is it then?”

“Bugger off,” Merlin replied without looking at him.

“Come on, out with it.”

“Alright then, hows this?” Merlin turned to face him. “Unlike other white collared prats I know, me and my lot actually have to work to pay our rent so losing a day’s work and the instrument that lets me make my coin might put a damper on my day.” Arthur spluttered, affronted.

“You- … I’m not a-... Why am I a prat now? I picked you up out of the bloody dirt, dragged you across all of Central London to take care of you and now I’m the prat??” Arthur didn’t understand what was going on anymore, truly. _What’s his deal..?_

“Well, I could help you?” Apparently this was the very wrong thing to say. The man in front of him just kept building up steam, with a rather attractive ruddy color blooming on his cheeks. _Get it together Arthur!_

“See that! That right there is why I hate great twats like you. Throwing pounds around like bloody tissues! I am _not_ a damn charity case and you will _not_ treat me like one! I don’t want or need help from a prick like you.” Arthur opened his mouth to say something but the storm in front of him raged on.

Merlin jabbed a finger at his chest. “You with your ‘undred quid shirts and your twat shoes that cost more than my bloody rent! You! Refusing ‘elp from us lil’ people just ‘cus our names don’t appear in the bloody paper twice a month!” 

Arthur would have responded angrily, but he was stunned. How did he get from the flirtatious, seductive (though somewhat entertaining) temptation to the man raging at him about their difference of status?

While Uther would not have looked twice at any busker even if they were hit by a car, Arthur was not his father. Uther has always said the public transportation was too dirty to use anyway, so he and Merlin would have never interacted.

But Arthur was different. He did what his father told him, but he thought differently. And Morgana had always refused to do anything Uther told her, he hated her job as an editor for a popular tabloid. He thought it beneath the ‘Pendragon’ name. Morgana claimed it was her dream job, but Arthur privately believed that she only did it to further vex their father.

Arthur realized his angry sexual awakening was still yelling at him.

“...and if you think you can just waltz into my life then you could not be more wrong you… you… you dopplehead!” Arthur raised his eyebrows at the new insult.

“Haven’t heard that one before,” He muttered. He spoke a little louder this time, “If you’re done making unfounded assumptions about me and my… shoes, then I’ll gladly have a civilized conversation with you.” He looked pointedly at the finger still thrust in his face.

They glared at each other for another moment, and Arthur thought they might have come to some kind of accord. But it was at that moment that Gaius walked in with a tray of tea, and Merlin sat back on the couch with an angry huff.

“Well, you seem to be feeling better,” he commented with a small smirk to Merlin. The dancer just glared back. Arthur thanked Gaius for the tea and took a sip.

“Since our dear Merlin is pouting,” Merlin gave Gaius a wounded expression which the older man ignored, “Why don’t we start with you.” Gaius was looking at Arthur, assessing his injuries.

“Oh no sir, that’s really not-” he stopped when he caught the look on Merlin’s face. _I suppose I could accept help this time. Could do me some good. Not like I have anything better to do._ He sighed and moved over to where the old man was sitting.

_________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Merlin smiled quietly into his cup. It was a bit cute to see his uncle fussing over his ‘knight in shining armor’. There was a difference between the man he saw today and the one giving interviews on the television. That was the Arthur Merlin had made assumptions based off of and now knew he might be wrong. The thought of those accusations now made him feel a little guilty.

The one Merlin had come to know was easily flustered and oddly chivalrous. He gave without expecting anything back and had no idea what was really going on in his own head. The one on the telly was attractive only in the objective sense.

That mask looked so well-practiced that it came as naturally to his as breathing. It sharpened his smiles and dulled his eyes and Merlin hated it. Others might fall for that ‘perfect’ smile, but Merlin had had a glimpse under his mask and wanted to keep digging under it.

He smirked. The best way to do that was to flirt a bit more and get him flustered again. That was sure to get his mask to slip. Merlin wondered if the man’s short blonde hair was as soft as it looked. He certainly wanted to find out. 

It was when he was daydreaming about all the ways he could find out how soft Arthur’s hair was when he announced that he had t0 leave. That snapped Merin out of his fantasies. 

“What ‘ave you got to do that’s so important that you’ve got to go out with your clothes lookin’ like that?” Not that Merlin minded the debauched look and the hints of tanned skin peeking out from under the tears in those posh clothes, he was just fishing for an excuse to make him stay for dinner.

“Weren’t you listening, Merlin? I was sure you were with how intently you were watching… us.” Gauis definitely had it out for him, he decided at that moment. “Arthur’s sister is waiting for him.” 

Merlin raised an eyebrow at Arthur who he found was looking anywhere but him. He was shuffling around on his feet awkwardly by the door. It was endearing in a way. Merlin huffed.

“Well then, thanks for the help. Maybe I’ll dance for you again sometime.” He smirked at an Arthur who was still avoiding his gaze. 

“Right. Well. Thank you as well, Gaius, for your help and hospitality. I appreciate it.” It looked like Arthur had put on some ‘business’ mask that Merlin didn’t like at all. It was too formal, and Merlin realized that this was what most of the world saw. The one he used for those ridiculous interviews. This was the face of the world-renowned best selling author and son of the CEO of Camelot Publishing. 

Merlin didn’t like the way his heart ached at the thought of only ever seeing that stone-cold mask again. He really shouldn’t care, should he?

Arthur was walking out the door, and all Merlin could do was watch. _Why am I so hooked on some stranger?_ _I’ve met plenty of fit blokes like him, he’s nothing special._ Then that voice in his head he hated so much reminded him that they were two sides of the same coin. Merlin shook his head. 

_Hopefully, I’ll never see him again then I can forget all about this mess, and him with it._

_________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

As Arthur closed the door behind him, he felt a strange sense of loss, then shook it off. He didn’t have time for such things. 

What he needed to focus on was what the bloody hell he was going to do now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the positive response I got this week, it made me super happy! I'll have the next chapter out next week. Maybe someone will help Arthur get it together, who knows, probably won't be me ;) Lemme know what you thought in the comments, I love feedback!
> 
> Stay Safe Everyone!! <3


	3. The Gate to Heaven is Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Morgana gives Arthur the good smack that he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting so late! It's been a real hellish week. But to make up for it, this chapter is a bit longer than the last two, please forgive me!!! Anywhoot, here are a few pics wor my visual peeps.
> 
> Arthur's Place 1: https://cdn.luxuo.com/2013/08/most-expensive-flat-in-the-world-468x217.jpg  
> Arthur's Place 2: https://s.aolcdn.com/hss/storage/midas/aa7a3d9b37a53eacea2a8c3ca3df01cb/202106847/Screen+Shot+2015-06-09+at+11.59.41.jpg  
> Morgana's Outfit: http://wheretoget.it/link/1716492  
> Arthur's Outfit: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/37/85/fd/3785fdcbccafa56bfde9b77d52a7f6f2.jpg  
> Heaven's Doors(lol i'm punny): https://www.queenlocations.com/itinerary/day-3-central-london-rainbow-theater-abbey-road-studios

As Arthur stepped out onto Belford, he took a breath and shook himself. He needed to forget about the dancer and figure out where to go from here. He couldn’t go back to the office, surely Morgana was waiting for him there, but he didn’t have the energy to be alone in his apartment or out with a bunch of people. 

Arthur’s office was his safe place, his sanctuary, no matter how cold and uncomfortable it might be. That was where he knew best, where he went when things went wrong, and things had certainly gone wrong. He had a change of clothes there anyway.

All he had to do was sneak past Morgana. Thankfully his father wasn’t even on the same floor so he likely wouldn’t run into him there. He was friends with some of the security guards, maybe he could get to his office without anyone seeing him. 

Easier said than done. He phoned Percy while in a cab headed to the office only a few blocks away. He picked up on the second ring. A gravelly voice answered in a slightly concerned tone. “Mr. Pendragon? Is everything alright?”

Classic Percival. He was patient, kind, and loyal to a fault if only a little over-protective. “Yes Percy, I’m fine. I just need to get into the office without Morgana seeing me. I don’t want her pestering right now and need to relax.” He heard Percival hesitate. The security guard liked Morgana and was a bit afraid of her. Arthur knew he was asking for a lot but he was desperate. 

“Well, sir. I… I’ll take care of it, sir.” His tone made Arthur feel a little guilty, but there was no other way.

“Excellent, Percy! Thank you. I owe you a drink.” He heard the sigh on the other end of the line and knew he’d won.

“That you do, sir.” Arthur chuckled and hung up the phone. He felt some of the tension drain out of his shoulders. When Arthur looked out the cab window, it looked like the sun had gone down already. _What a long day… At least I’ll have something to write about._

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Walking into _Camelot Publishing_ would be intimidating to anyone when they first walk in the front doors, but to Arthur, the white marble floors and high ceiling of the lobby were all too familiar. It was so bright that he had to squint for a moment but he kept walking past the empty front desk and straight back to the elevators.

He met no one on the way up to his office, for which he was grateful. It was late enough to where most people would have gone home by now, but he knew that his family was not ‘most people’. 

He waited uncomfortably in the elevator, the brightly lit mirror-paneled box with ‘soothing’ music only set him further on edge. Arthur was counting the floors up until the one with his office, the 67th.

He cautiously stepped out of the elevator, and when he found no one around, he took a deep sigh of relief. He walked purposefully towards his office and quickly shut the door behind him. Only then did he allow himself to relax. 

He took off his jacket as he sat down in the spinning chair at his desk. _Time to hit the grindstone. No time for self-pity, Arthur, just keep moving, like you always do._ So he turned on his computer and started typing away.

Arthur had no shortage of inspiration for a story.

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________________________________________________________

Morgana found him the next morning snoring with his head down on the desk. She huffed. This was not the first time she had found her dolt brother crashed in the office, but really, couldn’t he just sleep in his apartment for once?

The answer apparently was no. She strutted over and rapped her knuckles smartly on the desk, jolting him awake. The blonde started grumbling incoherently and she just rolled her eyes. He had brought this upon himself.

“So, how was your little excursion yesterday?” She eyed his tattered clothes critically. He realized too late that he had forgotten to clean up before he started writing. Not that he got very far. He ran out of juice and fell asleep in the middle of the third page.

“Fine, Morgana. Absolutely excellent. Nearly got run over by a train, mother’s notebook destroyed beyond repair, can’t stop thinking about some stupid dancer who…” Morgana’s eyebrows had been traveling further and further up her forehead but at the mention of Merlin, they had reached their peak. Arthur trailed off and Morgana’s face softened as her hands dropped off her hips.

She strode calmly around his desk and wrapped him up in a hug. Normally, he would never have accepted a hug like this from anyone, let alone his crazed sister, but this time, he found himself melting into her embrace. Only then did the previous day’s events hit him.

He knew he was acting weak, and this behavior was disgraceful, but he couldn’t help it. He had to hold back the sobs that threatened to surface, and Morgana seemed to understand. She held him tighter.

They stayed like that for well, who knows how long, until Arthur stopped shaking, and if Morgana’s shoulder was slightly damp, neither of them would mention it. The Pendragon siblings shared very few moments like these, and no matter how much they denied it, these moments were treasures; gold that money couldn’t buy. 

“Tell me about this dancer. I want to know everything.” Arthur took a deep breath at his sister’s words. He really didn’t know if he wanted to tell her about Merlin. Morgana knew him better than he knew himself, so would she realize how he felt about the man who had set him so off-kilter? Of course, she would. But would she let the subject drop? Of course, she wouldn’t.

Arthur sighed and started telling her the story of their chaotic meeting from the beginning while pacing back and forth across the room. Morgana watched his movements like a hawk. He tried to keep the ranting and the rambling to a minimum but he had a feeling he didn’t do so well based off of the smirk Morgana was trying so hard to contain.

“Well did you get his number?” Arthur was a bit startled by her question. 

“Why on earth would I do that, Morgana?” She laughed incredulously. 

“So you can enter him into a contest.” He stared. “No, you twit, to call up him obviously.” When he said nothing, she continued, “Get drinks, go to dinner, take a romantic stroll in the moonlight I don’t know, just to take him out!” 

Arthur kept staring. _Take him out? Go to dinner? Get drinks?? Really Morgana? Now she’s just being ridiculous. He couldn’t take Merlin to dinner. What is she thinking? Crazed woman. Romantic stroll…_ Arthur scoffed. Then that little voice in his head pointed out how nice it might be if he were walking around the gardens holding Merlin’s rough calloused hand. He stomped on that voice again and shook himself, but Morgana seemed to be reading his thoughts.

“You like him, he obviously likes you, what’s got your panties in a twist?” Arthur scowled at her, then exploded.

“Even if I did like him, I’d never be able to date him. It wouldn’t be appropriate! Two men? Really Morgana? Father would have a fit! I’m a public figure, a celebrity. I can’t be seen with someone like him.” His anger seemed to be getting the better of him. Morgana slammed her hands down on his desk, stopping him in his tracks.

“You listen here, Arthur!” There was a fire in her eyes he hadn’t seen in a long time. “There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t see who you want to see, snog whoever the hell you want to snog, it’s no one else’s bloody business! You have a right to be happy and I won’t have a great prat like Uther Pendragon stopping you!” 

Arthur sat there in shock as though he’d been slapped, while Morgana stood furious in front of him, breathing like a bull elephant. He wondered what on earth Morgana could do against their father’s rage, but he did want to be happy. _Could I have that? Is it true?_ Arthur wanted so badly to believe her but he probably wouldn’t ever see Merlin again, and certainly wasn’t going to be seeking him out. Morgana’s voice once again interrupted his train of thought.

“So, since you’re still an antisocial hermit, You and I will be going out today and no, there is no wriggling out of this one. You owe Percy drinks, remember?” She smirked. “Now run along back to your flat and clean yourself up. You’re going to enjoy yourself, dammit!”

Arthur had the distinct feeling that this day with Morgana was going to be just as outrageous as the day before but he dutifully left his office and drove himself back to his flat. He had nothing better to do, really. 

_________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

When Arthur stepped foot over the threshold, he was immediately reminded why he never came back here. It was a nice place, with a beautiful view of the city, but it was so unfriendly. The dull grey and beige tones dampened the bright light streaming in from the huge windows. It was so clean and unlived in it looked uninviting, a little like his office, but at least there he had an indent in the chair. No such thing on the grey couch or white armchairs. The only thing that was even remotely used was the piano in the corner of the living room, next to the windows. But that was only on very special occasions. 

Arthur walked through the living room into his bedroom. Here the gorgeous view continued, sunlight falling on the large bed that took up a good part of the space. He walked past that too, using all his willpower to not fall onto it. _No, not yet_ , he told himself. No time for that. 

After a nice hot bath, Arthur stepped out of the bathroom and sat down on his bed. _What to wear…_ Morgana hadn’t told him where they were going, might as well look smart. He picked out a crimson button-down, black tie, and slacks. _That’ll have to be good enough._ The bed was calling him again. _Maybe just for a few minutes…_

  
  
  


_________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Arthur’s dream was filled with loud music and sweaty bodies. He saw a lean and muscular figure moving with such power and finesse, surely it couldn’t be human. It spun and danced around him and Arthur leaned into the heat of it. Unashamed and untamed, Arthur found that he was now enchanted in and out of his waking moments by those piercing blue eyes. Arthur moved in sync with the spirit; colors, thoughts, and feelings swirling around them in brushes of blinding hues. 

The magic was broken by Arthur’s phone going off next to his ear. It was Morgana who was likely calling to tell him she was there. He heaved a great sigh and pulled himself away from his pillow with great effort. Maybe he should stay here more often, that bed is much too comfortable to be ignored.

Apparently he had taken too long and irritated the ever impatient Morgana because he heard the door to his flat open and heels clicking on his hardwood floors. She strode into his bedroom clad in a royal blue clubbing outfit. The long sleeve crop top wrapped tight around her and matching knee-length skirt made him feel oddly uncomfortable in his black tie.

Morgana huffed when she saw his outfit. “What on earth are you wearing, Arthur?” Arthur looked down at himself then up at the standing mirror across from him. 

“What’s the problem? This is what I normally wear.”

“Yes, exactly, that’s the problem.” She approached and started removing Arthur’s tie before he could protest.

“Oi! What are you doing?” She ignored him and walked over to his closet, tossing the tie aside. She came back and threw a pair of khaki chinos at him. He caught them skillfully with his face.

“Get changed. You’re too formal. We’re having a night out on the town, not some business expedition.” He grimaced into the fabric and changed in the bathroom. When he stepped out, Morgana gave him a once-over then stepped forward and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt.

“Really, Morgana? Now I just look ridiculous.” Her ‘finishing touch’ was rumpling up his hair, giving him a distinctly disheveled look.

“No, dear brother, you look fit. Now let’s go. Move it.” Arthur raised his hands in surrender and proceeded his sister out the door.

_________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Several hours later, Arthur found himself back at Charing Cross. Steered down a corridor by an oddly excited Morgana, they stopped in front of two sets of blue wooden doors. They looked old, and needed a new paint job and had several posters advertising bands that Arthur didn’t recognize. Above them was a white set of letters spelling out ‘HEAVEN’. The place made Arthur nervous, but he didn’t show it. He swallowed.

He did hesitate though, turning back to his sister with raised eyebrows. She smiled her best innocent smile but Arthur wasn’t convinced. He had passed this place on his last visit to the station but hadn’t really paid it much mind. I was rather unobtrusive, nothing too flashy, like it was trying not to attract too much attention. 

“Morgana…” Arthur said, unsure. She smirked.

“Oh come off it, where’s your sense of adventure?” And with that she pushed open the doored and strutted past Arthur, leaving him with no choice but to follow her inside.

_________________________________________________

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love good ol' Morgana ;P Next chapter is gonna go back to Merlin's pov to give him a bit more depth. I hope you guys enjoyed this! Ch 4 should be up soon. Stay safe, beautiful people!!!


	4. Kaleidoscope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a huge headache and its name is Arthur Pendragon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a real doozy so strap in lol. Finally something in Merlin's POV.  
> Merlins Teaching Outfit: https://assets.rbl.ms/9854077/origin.jpg  
> Merlins Room Sorta: https://magiclinen.com/image/cache/catalog/bedding/duvet%20cover%20sets/magiclinen-duvet-set-sage-main-640x960.jpg

Arthur’s departure left Merlin with a bad taste in his mouth. One shred of the author’s true nature had left him wanting more. He wanted to rip open that cold shell. Arthur couldn’t hide in there forever and Merlin liked a challenge. He frowned into his now-cold cup of tea. His ‘challenge’ had just walked out the door, and it was unlikely they’d ever meet again. They lived in different worlds... There was nothing he could do now but make sure Gwen didn’t kill him for getting hurt again.

He looked up to find Gaius peering over at him in a way only a father could. “What on earth was that Merlin?” he asked in a hesitant tone. Merlin’s frown deepened. _Who knows really, The most interesting bloke I’ve ever come across stumbles into my life without a moment’s notice then struts right back out without permission. I want him… I want to break down his walls._ Somewhere in his internal monologue the sarcasm had died and was replaced by something much too real for Merlin’s liking. He knew now that he had only been attracted to the blonde because he wasn’t in his right mind. He was interested, is all… That was the only explanation. After all, how could he be friends… or more than friends with such an ass? He sighed.

“Really couldn’t tell you.” Merlin glanced at the massive clock on the wall then asked, “When’s Gwen supposed to show up?” Gaius looked like he didn’t want to let the subject drop but answered anyway.

“She should be here momentarily. She was in quite a panic when I mentioned a head injury.” Merlin groaned and flopped back down on the couch. His roommate was one of the most protective and dependable people he knew, which meant she might even try to stop him from going to work.

This was not an option, even if he had two broken ankles and a fever. He needed all the money he could get… Speaking of, he needed to call someone to look after his mom if he was out of commission. Lance maybe? No, he was working loads of overtime nowadays. Freya might if he asked nicely, maybe if he bribed her with some really good strawberries… He’d give her a ring then pop by the farmers market later.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts, and a beautiful curly-haired woman rushed in. Her tan skin had a layer of sweat, he thought she might have run all the way up the steps, and her brown eyes were filled with concern. When they landed on Merlin who was still curled up stewing on the couch, she strode over to it and knelt in front of him.

“Oh, Merlin… What did you do?” she sighed and put her hand on his cheek before looking at him like she was trying to decide if it was worth it to smack him upside the head or not. He grimaced in pain and his roommate’s face softened.

Gwen had been his best friend here in London ever since he moved there. She hadn’t hesitated to request him as a roommate when she heard that he had been kicked out of his own flat for rescuing a kitten. (A kitten really??) Gwen had been there for him through thick and thin, so it was only right for him to return the favor. It’s been 3 years, and Merlin would trust her with his life.

Gwen gave Gaius a questioning look and he launched into a short explanation of the day’s events. Merlins stayed relatively quiet, still lost in thoughts about a certain blonde.

“You met Arthur Pendragon??” Gwen rounded on him once the story was finished with wide eyes. Right, Pendragon was one of her favorite authors.

“You weren’t missing much, he’s a really prat.” Gwen looked scandalized.

“Merlin! He wrote _Excusing Injustice_ , and _Respect No Rank_ , and _No Man is Worth Your Tears_! He’s the best author of the century, Merlin!!! You can’t just go calling him names!” Gwen sounded like he’d insulted the queen.

“I can and I will if he deserves it, which he does,” Merlin replied mulishly. His temple throbbed forcing him to squeeze his eyes shut. When he opened them again, Gwen had reverted back to her ‘concerned mom’ face. She was a nurse at one of the city hospitals so taking care of people was literally her job.

“You said you hit your head, didn’t you?” Merlin sighed. He knew where this was going.

“I- I did…” Her eyebrows were furrowed and Merlin could see her medical brain working.

“I can’t let you go to work if you have a concussion, you know…” Merlin sighed again, louder this time. The sarcasm was evident in his voice when he replied.

“Well, Ms. Nurse, do I have a concussion?” She frowned and he sat obediently as she checked the dilation of his eyes, and when she tested his motor skills, he graciously only rolled his eyes once.

“Well, I don’t think so…” Gwen bit her bottom lip and gave him another once over. “But I do think that you should take it easy for the next few days just in case.” He opened his mouth to protest but shut it at the pointed look she gave him. “You can’t go to work like this, you’ll end up being run over by a child when you get in the way of their jumps or something.”

“Look, I’ve got to go to work, I can’t chuck it because of some stupid headache. Not for them kids but for me mum too. She can’t work for herself, Gwen you _know_ that.” He shook his head, which turned out to be a poor decision since that only seemed to irritate his head further. If these two would just let him have a nice lie-down, he’d be perfectly fine for work. He groaned.

“Gwen can we _please_ just go get back so I can rest? I’ll snatch fourty winks then I won’t be running over any children, yeah?” She turned to Gaius for help but he knew better than to argue with Merlin about his work. She sighed loudly and conceded defeat.

“Alright, let’s get you home, trouble.” She held out a hand and pulled him up by his tea-free hand, and steadied him when he swayed on his feet. She could tell something was wrong, something that had little to do with his head’s introduction to concrete earlier that afternoon. She’d get it out of him later but not now, not in front of his uncle.

“Thanks for the help, Gaius. Don’t know what we would have done without you.” The old man smiled a little at that.

“Nor do I. Now you stay out of trouble young man or so help me I’ll have you covered head to toe in purple packing foam!” He raised a teaspoon threateningly in Merlin’s direction.

“Oh come off it, I look terrible in purple!” Merlin protested halfheartedly. “Make it pink or blue or somethin’, that I could live with.”

“I don’t think you’d look that bad in purple,” Gwen chirped helpfully. Merlin gave her a look of disdain then rubbed his temple; which at that moment had started throbbing painfully.

“How ‘bout we skip the packing foam and go straight to the keepin’ out of trouble by sleepin’ strategy. Perfect plan.”

***

In pitch black and loud silence, Merlin stood completely still, looking around for some trace of light… unseeing. He was trembling, the darkness was too great, the silence too much to bear until a flame appeared. At first, it was small and blue, so far away. As it drew closer, Merlin saw it wasn’t really blue after all, but red and gold, flickering in a nonexistent wind. He wanted to run to it. He wanted it to save him from this void of silence but he couldn’t move. Merlin could only wait for it to come to him.  
When the flame approached, it didn’t cast any light around it, it was just a ball of light itself. Merlin expected it to get hot, maybe too hot to stand but he only felt a wave of warmth to calm him. He reached out and touched the flame, it didn’t burn. It did react; the red and gold flaring a thousand different colours. Merlin saw so many blues, yellows, purples, and greens. He saw white, silver, bronze, and gold all shimmering in the darkness. His fear melted away and he stepped up to the fire.  
It was breathtaking.  
  


***

Merlin woke up feeling refreshed. He could still feel the warmth of that kaleidoscopic flame. He wondered what that dream could mean. His dreams were usually vivid but nothing like that. The more he thought about it, the less he liked the message of this dream. He frowned and snuggled deeper into his sage-coloured cotton duvet. It matched the theme of the room, though there wasn’t much in it to match. The bed took up most of the room, the walls painted a light beige. There was a small closet in the corner with dark wooden doors but they looked like they had seen better days. Merlin’s favorite thing about the room was the view.

When they were deciding who would get which room, Merlin immediately chose the room with the large window stretched across one wall, even though it was about half the size of the other bedroom. Gwen had happily agreed even though it meant that she’d have to keep her plants out in the living room. See? Compromises.

It took Merlin’s eyes a few seconds to focus on the little clock on his tiny wooden bedside table, but when they did he yelped and jumped out of bed. He immediately started changing into his work clothes though he was having issues since he kept getting his feet stuck in the navy blue workout pants in his rush.

Gwen was curled up on the couch in the living room with their cat, Dragoon when he stumbled out of his room. She pointed wordlessly to the table where there was a little brown paper bag. He grabbed it and stuffed it into his work bag and had just made it to the door when she called, “I’ll be picking you up from work tonight. I don’t trust you on your own.” He waved his hand in acknowledgment and shouted his goodbye over his shoulder.

  
“And do try to not run over any children!” was the last he heard before the door slammed shut.

***

Merlin made it to the studio without too much trouble. You really wouldn’t know it was a dance studio just by looking at it. A small brick building squished in between a whole bunch of other brick buildings in Limehouse. He smiled ruefully at the little building and stepped inside. The first room upon entry was a small lobby area with a reception desk run by sweet ol’ Alice. She was a long time friend of Gaius’s, though Merlin was sure there was something more there. She was the only person Merlin knew who kept his uncle in line. They were perfect for each other really.

There was a hallway straight ahead with privies off to the right then further down a door to the left that led to a studio with wooden bars off to the left and floor-length mirrors filling the front wall. Merlin passed all of those doors and opened the one at the end of the hall. It revealed a room much like the studio to the left, though this one was bigger, and had a few small windows high up so some sunbeams would light up the room nicely in the daytime.

Merlin left the door open so the kids could come in when they arrived and put his things down in a corner by the sound system. He dragged a stool out and placed it in front of the mirrors for him to sit. He would need it today. He could tell Gwen that he would be fine, but his head was already starting to ache again, and he still had another few hours to go. He was also feeling a might dizzy...

While he was fiddling with the music he’d be using for the class that day, the first of his students started filing into the room. His first class today was Ballet II. Ballet was not his favorite to teach or dance, but it was a good building block for anything else. He had studied it for many years mostly to help him with other styles so he was more than qualified to teach these 12-year-olds. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw them starting to warm up on the bar. _Feeling proactive today, are we?_ He clapped twice, signaling the start of class.

By the time the hour was up, everyone was sweaty and panting. Merlin wasn’t a strict teacher, but he pushed his students to be their best. He clapped twice and smiled at them. “You were all excellent today, you should be proud of yourselves.” He smiled at Lily, one of his younger students. She was improving so quickly… “Make sure to drink lots of water and get some food in you, yeah? Any questions before I set you loose?”

Lily peered up at him with those intelligent brown eyes and he almost regretted his question. She was much too clever for her age and of course had absolutely no filter. “Mr. Emrys, what are you doing here?” Merlin gulped. He knew what she meant but forced a chuckle anyway.

“I’m here to teach you, ‘course.” She raised an eyebrow.

“Mr. Emrys, I heard Ms. Llyn saying you were gonna be a professional dancer with a company and everything. So why are you here?” Merlin sighed. He got this question a lot from his kids and he never knew how to answer them. He might also need to retract his offer of strawberries to Freya.

“Look,” he crouched down in front of her. “Everyone comes across an important choice sometime in their life. I chose family. You should always choose family.” The little brown-haired girl nodded slowly as she understood then took his large boney hand in her two small ones and squeezed.

“I’m glad you chose your family, Mr. Emrys.” He smiled sadly but she continued. “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be my teacher would you?” Merlin forced back the tears threatening to overflow and ruffled Lily’s hair, making her squawk in protest.

“Get out of here, you lil’ gremlin.” And she skipped much too happily out of his room. He looked around to see his next class getting ready and clapped twice.

***

Merlin’s next two classes went fairly smoothly. He was even able to eat the lunch Gwen had made for him in between. These were the classes for the top tier of the studio for contemporary and hip hop. He liked hip hop much better than ballet but loved contemporary. Nothing could compare to the connection between music and body that contemporary requires. That was what he wanted most out of his life, was to feel that connection on stage. He wanted to show the world what music really looked like and what stories it told. That was his dream, and if he couldn’t do it, he would do his damndest to make sure these kids could.

He had spent most of his time on the stool, shouting instructions and corrections over the music. But when he least expected it, his mind would wander to the one place he didn’t want it to go. Why couldn’t he just forget about that stupid blonde? He’d invaded Merlin’s life quite enough for one day, thanks. Maybe he was going insane. By the end of the day, he was more than a little frustrated with himself for thinking about the great oaf and if his students noticed it, (which they did) they didn’t say anything.

They all bowed and curtsied on their way out, saying “Thank you, Mr. Emrys,” in unison. It could be a bit creepy sometimes honestly with a dozen teenagers saying ‘thank you’ in monotone. While Merlin was packing up, he heard a gentle knock on the wall and smiled slightly. “Hey, you.”

“Hello, you.” a soft feminine voice replied. He turned to see a small brown-haired woman with her hair done up in a messy bun. This was his coworker Freya Llyn. A very sweet young woman he absolutely adored. He’d first met her when he started to work at Druid Studios, and they’d hit it off immediately. She was so timid at first, then when Merlin got her to open up, she was funny and brave and cute as a button. They’d had a lot of good times together.

“You done for the night?” He asked, keeping his tone carefully light and controlled. She nodded and looked around the studio. Then she looked back at him and something in her face changed. She advanced on him slowly.

“Merlin, are you hurt?” He flinched. Merlin really should have known that Freya would notice, he just didn’t want her to worry about him. She’s a very observant creature, and they know each other well.

“Just a headache.” When she looked at him skeptically, he continued, “Fell over at the station this morning.” He didn’t say anything else. She huffed indignantly.

“Right, so you’re going to tell me the rest of that story tomorrow night.” He opened his mouth to protest but it snapped shut at the look she gave him. She may be small, but she is fierce. “We’re going to Heaven and I’m getting you a drink and don’t even try to tell me you’re working, I know you have the night off.” He raised an eyebrow. Her confidence from a moment before was fading rapidly. “...I- I checked.” Merlin grinned. He hadn’t been out with her in a while and it wasn’t like her to take initiative like this so he might as well… If Gwen would let him…

“Tomorrow night it is. Need a lift?” She smiled shyly, relieved that he had agreed, and then shook her head.

“No need but thanks for asking. See you tomorrow.” And with that, she skipped out the door. Merlin finished grabbing his things. Alice had already left for the night so he also locked up behind him. Gwen’s car was waiting for him outside.

“How was it?” She eyed him with concern. Some tiny part of him was hoping that he might see Arthur tomorrow, but that was impossible. Merlin was sure that Arthur was still buried deep in the closet and wouldn’t be caught dead in a place like Heaven. Plus, he wasn’t sure he wanted to see Arthur again, even if he could. Everything about him threw Merlin off-kilter and it was unsettling. Merlin didn’t need things like ‘emotions’ getting in the way of his life, he already had enough problems. That’s why he was determined to keep Arthur as a ‘project’. Nothing more, nothing less. A challenge to keep him occupied, that is if they ever saw each other again. Merlin sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

“A bit tiring, at least I know I’ll sleep well tonight.” Gwen nodded slightly. They spent the rest of the ride in comfortable silence. When they got home, she made sure Merlin drank a glass of water after taking some painkillers then sent him off to bed early. He wasn’t complaining. His muscles were sore and everything was aching. He only hoped he didn’t have another dream about that flame… Why did it have to feel so personal? It was so raw and powerful, it made Merlin nervous. He sighed and laid down anyway. He closed his eyes and fell into blackness.

***

It was dark again. Too dark. Merlin’s heart was pounding, it was the only sound he could hear. _Why is it always dark? Why am I always alone?_ The darkness was heavy, it was weighing him down, filling his lungs, making his whole body go numb with the cold. Merlin was shaking he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t breathe, everything was just so dark…  
Merling curled up into a ball, willing the darkness to go away, wishing it could end when he felt a warm touch on his shoulder. The heat was spreading, from his shoulder through his chest, up to his neck and cradling his head. Merlin opened his eyes to see his flame, more beautiful than he had remembered it. Merlin was relived but a new fear sparked within him. _What if the darkness snuffs him out.? What if he fades to black and can’t come back?_ A low, rumbling chuckle filled his ears, and the flame started to speak to him. It was deep and quiet and Merlin couldn’t make out what he was saying but somehow he understood. The flame wasn’t going anywhere. He would shield him from the darkness as long as Merlin let him see it.

***

Merlin woke up shaking, curled up in a ball at the edge of his bed. He curled in on himself further, remembering his dream and covered his face. He noticed his face was wet. Merlin buried his head in his pillow, trying to somehow wipe the dream from his mind. That was Arthur’s voice, not that Merlin needed any more proof of what these dreams meant. He groaned and dragged himself out of bed rubbing his eyes and trying to think of what he could do before Freya dragged him to Heaven. Maybe go check on his mom. Anything to forget about that breathtaking kaleidoscopic flame.

*********************************************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's POV is suuuuuuper hard for me to write bc he's so like me. It's a struggle. Also, I'm writing a novel... that's exciting... Hope all of you are practicing healthy social distancing!!!  
> Stay Safe, my little birdies.


	5. Another Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go right and then really wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this one, been working on a few other fics, and got caught up in them. My writing style changed quite a bit while I was writing a lot lately so lemme know what you think!
> 
> No betta again... tell me if you see any mistakes and I'll take care of 'em :)
> 
> Enjoy!

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#####  To put it simply, Arthur was overwhelmed. The flashing lights, the smell of sweat and cheap cologne, the dull roar of hundreds of voices clambering to be heard over each other. He sat at a bar covered in neon purple lights, and off to his right were stairs leading down to an open space filled with people dancing in front of a stage. There was live music, and according to the bartender, it was a normal occurrence. The scene around him was too much for Arthur. It was nothing like anything he had ever experienced before. He saw at least 5 people in drag from where he sat above the shimmering mass of people below him. There were rainbows and queer flags everywhere, and even though he was new to the ‘club scene’, it was clear to Arthur that this wasn’t normal. His sister had tricked him into coming to a gay bar. 

  


  


#####  Arthur was angry and on the verge of sensory overload. It was stifling… The unconventional music blasting from massive speakers all over the bloody walls made his feet tingle. So many people dancing together like _that_ made him feel like he was overheating… The thing that bothered him the most was that some part of him was jealous of the people who surrounded him. They were all so comfortable in their own skin… dancing with whomever they wanted to dance with regardless of anything as trivial as gender, status, or color. Arthur didn’t know how to feel about it.

  


  


#####  Morgana had to shout over the noise to be heard, though he still couldn’t make out the words. He tapped his ear, trying to tell her he couldn’t understand and he saw her huff in annoyance. She grabbed his arm and dragged him closer to her. 

#####    


  


“Well, what do you think, hermit?” she yelled, gesturing around her and smirking like the cat that caught the canary. He scowled back and crossed his arms. She had led him knowingly into a trap and could not be more pleased with herself. 

#####    


  


“I think that you tricked me and that I’ll be taking my leave now,” he responded irritably. Her smile fell into a pout but Arthur wasn’t fooled by it. The innocent tilt of her lips was ruined by the mischief that glimmered in her eyes.

#####    


  


“But we’ve only just arrived! And you don’t really want to leave anyway,” she said obnoxiously. But he did want to leave… didn’t he? It was stuffy and hot and it was much too loud and… He glanced at the sea of bodies on the dancefloor then back at Morgana. That same part of him that felt jealous made it very clear at that moment that he wanted to stay. It could be his only chance to experience some small piece of freedom. Arthur frowned. If his father found out that he was here…  _ Is it really worth the risk?  _ He asked himself. Morgana snapped her fingers in front of his face, effectively bringing him back to reality. “You shouldn’t worry about anything except the here and now. There’s no time like the present,” she said. There was a soft smile on her face that Arthur rarely saw, the one that meant that she knew what he was thinking and that she would be there for him, as she always had been. 

#####    


  


“Alright, fine,” he said with a sigh. “But we aren’t staying long, you hear me?” She snorted in a ‘yeah right’ sort of way, but let it go. 

#####    


  


“Glad I have your approval, though we are meeting up with some friends of mine. They should be here any minute.” she said distractedly, scanning the bar for her ‘friends’. Arthur’s eyes widened and turned pale.

#####    


  


“Morgana! I can’t let anyone see me at a place like this!”Arthur hissed in her ear. 

#####    


  


“Arthur it’s fine,” she replied soothingly. “They aren’t anyone you know and trust me, the y aren’t going to poke fun at you or anything ridiculous like that. They’re all here for the same reasons we are, after all.” Something about the way she said ‘same reasons’ made Arthur uneasy, though with Morgana you get used to these things so he let it go.

#####    


  


“Morgana who-” Arthur was cut off by a squeal of excitement from behind them and he turned to see a very odd assortment of people walking towards them. Morgana’s face split into a dazzling smile and she rushed towards the group. To Arthur’s surprise, she made a beeline for a pretty woman dressed in blue and kissed her full on the mouth so passionately that Arthur blushed and looked away. He stood up from his barstool clumsily and approached the group. He didn’t know what to do or what to say, so he stood there awkwardly, looking anywhere but his sister who was still snogging a woman right in front of him. He eyed the rest of the group. There was a smaller girl with dark brown hair and pale skin who reminded him a bit of a mouse. Then behind her was…

#####    


  


“ _ Mer _ lin!” Arthurs’s eyes bugged out of his head, the sight of Merlin was enough to wipe the shock of her sister’s choice of partners fully from his mind. Merlin looked equally as shocked to see Arthur, his eyes wide, and his posture stiff. Arthur fought back the urge to smile. Arthur hadn’t noticed Morgana returning to his side, his shout of surprise had apparently brought her away from her lady friend for a moment. She nudged him with her elbow.

#####    


“That’s him, isn’t it?” she said with a sly grin. Arthur inhaled sharply at the realization that struck him at the way her eyes glimmered as she looked between him and the dancer.

#####    


  


“You knew!?” he accused and her smile only grew in response.

#####    


  


“I had a guess. I’ve known Gwen for quite some time, and I’ve met her  _ roommate _ , Merlin.” She replied silkily then raised her voice so it would reach the rest of the group. 

#####    


  


“Arthur, this is Gwen, Freya, and of course you know Merlin,” Morgana introduced them all in a falsely innocent tone. Arthur wondered again if he could get away with sororicide. The mousy girl smiled sweetly and stuck out her hand, “Freya. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Arthur.” She had small hands but a very firm grip, Arthur gave her a small smile in return. He could be himself here, right? Wasn’t that the whole point?

#####    


  


The other girl stuck out her hand as well, though she looked a lot more nervous. “I’m Gwen, it’s really exciting to meet you, I mean,” she flushed but kept going, “I’m a big fan of yours. I really liked reading  _ Excusing Injustice.  _ Not to say I didn’t like the other ones!” she hurried on, and Arthur bit back a laugh. 

#####    


  


“Thank you. That’s very sweet of you to say and I’m pleased to meet you as well. Though...” he trailed off and glanced at Morgana questioningly. She grinned and slipped an arm around Gwen’s waist pulling her close.

  


  


“Ah yes,” Morgana said. “Gwen is my girlfriend, Arthur. We’ve been together for several months.” Gwen smiled happily and looked down while Morgana held Arthur’s gaze. He saw a fire in her eyes, as though she were challenging Arthur to say something stupid. He gulped.

#####    


  


“Well- Um, I mean- C-congratulations.” He gave them a weak smile. He was still in shock. In reality, he was most upset by the fact that Morgana hadn’t told him. Did she not trust him? They had been together for months and Arthur never realized… He did the first thing that came to him, his best defense mechanism, he went into business mode. He stood up straight and wiped any expression off his face to replace it with a sunny smile. “I’m really happy for both of you, you’ve got a fine catch, Morgana, though I think  _ you  _ could do better.” He directed this last comment at Gwen and winked. He made sure his tone was light, and while Gwen and Freya giggled and smiled, he knew that somehow the other two weren’t fooled by his act. Merlin, who had yet to say a word was eyeing him with a look that Arthur couldn’t interpret. They locked eyes and Merlin raised an eyebrow questioningly. Arthur decided it was best to pretend he hadn’t noticed and instead offered to buy the group drinks, which was met with general enthusiasm.

#####    


  


That’s how Arthur found himself wedged between Gwen and Merlin at the bar, feeling a bit put upon. He sat pretending to listen to Gwen gush about her favorite books while he stewed in the fact that Morgana had withheld such vital information from him. Merlin certainly wasn’t helping things. 

#####    


  


He found any and every excuse to touch Arthur; brushing up against his shoulder when ordering a drink, grazing his leg while fidgeting on his stool, and Arthur couldn’t even think about his outfit without dirty thought clouding his mind.  _ Those jeans should be illegal,  _ Arthur thought while sipping at his second drink. He was sure that Merlin knew exactly what he was doing to Arthur, and he was sure that was why he kept doing it.  _ He’ll be the death of me, _ Arthur thought, as Merlin leaned around and on him to talk to Gwen. Arthur could feel Merlin’s breath on the back of his neck, and having Merlin’s chest pressed flush up against his back made him feel like he couldn’t breathe properly. Arthur hated that feeling. He hated how often he felt it around Merlin. He hated how Merlin could just  _ look  _ at him and his stomach would swarm with butterflies, and he hated how every touch made Arthur’s heart practice gymnastics. It was all so wrong.

#####    


Merlin had apparently finished his conversation with Gwen, because he sat back properly in his seat, though Arthur noticed how his hand lingered on Arthurs back a while after he was situated. “This is your first time here, yeah?” Merlin asked, leaning in close to be heard over the din. 

#####    


  


“My first time in any sort of club actually,” Arthur said, nodding. Merlin raised his eyebrows for a fraction of a second then smiled mischievously. That smile made Arthur very, very nervous. 

#####    


  


“Well then I’ll have to introduce you properly then, won’t I?” Merlin said as he hopped off his barstool. Arthur gulped. “Dance with me, Pendragon,” Arthur mumbled a few stuttering protests but Merlin had already grabbed his hand and was dragging him to the dance floor.

#####    


  


It was much hotter and more difficult to see on the lower level of the club. It was completely dark except for the stage lights and the neon beams dancing around them. It was hard for Arthur to make out the faces of the people around them, they all had an otherworldly look about them with all the colored lights and the abstract shadows they cast. Merlin dragged Arthur deeper into the crowd then spun around to face him.  _ The real test has begun _ , Arthur thought. Arthur had never danced that way in his life. The way Merlin swung his hips in time with the bass was mesmerizing. Arthur was completely powerless against him. Merlin threw his head back, exposing his pale throat, and Arthur was ashamed of the thoughts that filled his mind. He hoped it was too dark for anyone to see him blushing like a schoolgirl with a crush.  _ Get a grip, Pendragon! _ He thought furiously. Merlin grabbed both his hands and placed them on his body, pressed his back firmly against Arthur’s chest. Arthur squeezed, loving the way he could feel every contraction of the dancers lean muscles under his hands. Arthur let himself go. No need to think anymore. Merlin was the only one who mattered anyway.

#####    


  


Arthur dropped his head to Merlin’s neck, kissing it and savoring the taste. Merlin sucked in a sharp breath at the feeling of teeth scraping across his skin. He obviously hadn’t expected Arthur to be so bold but he didn’t complain. On the contrary, he leaned into Arthurs wandering hands and threw a heated look over his shoulder. Arthur had never felt so alive, electricity surging through his veins, all of his senses completely focused on the man in front of him. 

#####    


  


Arthur had no idea how long they danced together in the neon lights with music so loud it shook the floor. Nothing mattered but Merlin, not even any concept of time. When Merlin pulled them off the dance floor, they were both flushed and sweaty. It was an attractive look on him, with his full lips parted and bitten, and Arthur couldn’t help but imagine that look in other contexts. 

#####    


  


“You want to get out of here?” Merlin asked in a slightly breathless voice once they were back at the bar. He looked about how Arthur felt. His pupils were blown wide though his eyes were half-lidded in a way that made Arthur’s heart race. He had to look away before he lost his mind completely. Morgana was nowhere in sight. Merlin looked at Arthur expectantly and the gears in his brain slowly started to turn again. When the implication of Merlin’s question sank in, he started. Going home with Merlin was a terrible idea, surely, he thought. He didn’t want anything to do with this dancer in  _ that _ way.  _ Liar, _ a voice in the back of his head told him, but he ignored it. 

#####    


  


“I’d rather not,” he replied stiffly. Merlin noticed the change in his demeanor and looked at him skeptically. 

#####    


  


“I respect that, was just a question. What’s with you all of a sudden?” Merlin asked carefully.

#####    


  


“Nothing,” Arthur said sharply. Most people would have backed off but Merlin didn’t look impressed. He raised an eyebrow and put his hands on his hips. “Are we done here?” Arthur asked in a snobbish way. 

#####    


  


“Right… So you’ve gone back to being a prat, have you?” Arthur was slightly taken aback. He was about to retort but Merlin cut him off. “If you’ve got something to say, say it. Don’t be an ass just because you can’t properly communicate your emotions.” He had hit the nail on the head, as per usual. Once again, Merlin saw right through him, and Arthur hated it. And no one had the gall to speak to him that way. Only Morgana ever called him out like that. No wonder they were friends. Arthur snapped.

#####    


  


“There’s nothing else to say.”  _ Liar,  _ that same voice in his head said. “Thanks for the dance, but it wasn’t my style.”  _ It was magical. Why are you lying?? _ “I should go. It would be best for both of us if we forgot about this.” The voice in his head was screaming at him for his stupidity but after coming to his senses, he realized he couldn’t risk his reputation nor did he want to risk getting any more attached than he already was. He was in dangerous territory and needed to get out before he passed the point of no return. Merlin stiffened and the irritation on his face gave way into hurt. Arthur wanted nothing more than to kiss the frown right off the dancer’s face but he refrained. Merlin’s eye’s narrowed into slits and Arthur winced at the glare Merlin leveled him with.

#####    


  


“You’re a fool and a coward, Arthur Pendragon, but if you’re going to run away with your tail between your legs, be my guest. Just don’t expect any sympathy when you get your head out of your ass and realize what you’ve given up for your ego, you pathetic gutless git.” And with that, Merlin turned on his heel and left him staring after him open-mouthed at the bar. It would have been better if Merlin had slapped him, surely it would have hurt less. 

#####    


  


Arthur had no clue how long he stood there in a state of stunned disbelief before he shook himself and thought to order a cab. He had to get out of there. The moment the cab pulled up to the corner outside the station, he nearly tripped in his haste to get inside. He sat in the back of the cab with a weight in his stomach. He closed his eyes and played back Merlin’s last words in his head, not for the last time that night. He felt guilty and ashamed, and most of all he felt as though he’d made a terrible mistake.

#####    
  
  
  


  


  



	6. Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was so crazy late, too much happened and I lost my mojo for this story. But I got it done, so enjoy!

Arthur knew he messed up. It wasn’t the glares from Morgana that brought on this realization, nor was it the smug looks his father sent him due to his increased hours in the office. No, it was the inherent sense of _wrong_ that had settled in his chest. Everything felt wrong, from the view of the city afforded by his office window to the pen in his hand; without Merlin, everything felt wrong.

It was shocking just how snuggly Merlin had fit himself into Arthur’s life and mind while he hadn’t noticed until he was completely gone. The holes Merlin left were impossible to ignore. 

Holding his head in his hands, Arthur wondered how he could fix the damage he’d done. He’d been stupid, scared of how he felt so he’d lashed out at the person he loved most. Arthur sighed. _What a mess,_ he thought. 

He had to do _something_ . His writing was suffering, Morgana wasn’t speaking to him, and Arthur thought he might just go mad if this went on any longer. But what could he do after the scene he’d made at the club? Merlin probably never wanted to speak to him again, and Arthur couldn’t blame him. There was only one person he could go to for things like this but she was also understandably angry with him too. _Time to grovel like a king, I suppose._

* * *

When he arrived at her office, Morgana was typing furiously at her computer with a focused look on her face. Her ‘work face’, as Arthur liked to call it. After about 5 minutes of loitering in the doorway without even a glance, Arthur was about to leave and come back later when his sister finally looked up from her keyboard.

“What do you want, Arthur?” she demanded without so much as a ‘hello’. This was not unexpected, so Arthur proceeded with Step 2 of his plan: “Present Offerings”. (Step 1 having been “Acquire Offerings”.) He placed a batch of her favorite chocolates on her desk before stepping back out of range. She raised an eyebrow.

Arthur hesitated, then said, “I need your help… apologizing to Merlin.” Morgana snorted in disbelief.

“My brother, Arthur Pendragon, Apologising to someone? Did a pig fly through your window this morning?” Arthur decided to ignore that last comment in favor of keeping his sister in a decent mood. “Why on earth do you think that I’d help you?”

Arthur swallowed. He knew Morgana was right. She had no reason to help him after what he had said to Merlin. Still… “You shouldn’t. But I love him.” Morgana’s eyes widened. “And I need him in my life. I can’t function properly knowing that I hurt him so…” Arthur looked her straight in the eyes when he said, “Please help me make things right. Even if he tells me to go piss up a rope afterward, at least I’ll have told him how I feel.”

The silence stretched out for eternity until a moment later when Morgana said with a dangerous edge to her voice, “Don’t mess this up, Pendragon.”

  
  
  
  


* * *

Arthur held the gift-wrapped box to his chest like a lifeline as he stood outside what looked like a lower class townhome. This was it. “ _Go win back your man,”_ Morgana had said as she pushed him out of her office, and here he was. They’d come up with a (hopefully) foolproof plan to beg for Merlin’s forgiveness and if he rejected Arthur after this… Then well, at least he tried. 

Steeling himself, he knocked twice on the blue-painted door in front of him. The color almost reminded him of the door to Heaven which only heightened Arthur’s nerves. The plan was simple. 

  1. Crash Merlin’s birthday party.
  2. Present him with peace offerings in the form of a birthday present.
  3. Hope he doesn’t hit Arthur and send him away before he can apologize properly.
  4. Apologize properly.
  5. Kiss him silly. 



Easy. No need to be nervous.

  
  


Arthur definitely wasn’t ready, but fate waits for no one. The door swung open to reveal a small willowy woman with dark curly hair covered partially by a pretty blue handkerchief. This had to be Merlin’s mother. They shared the same… presence, for lack of a better term. She eyed him carefully with an eyebrow raised and Arthur felt the uncomfortable feeling of being x-rayed once again. He offered her his hand stiffly and introduced himself.

“Arthur Pendragon, ma’am. I’m a… I’m Morgana’s brother,” he said, hoping that she knew Morgana well enough to not just turn him away at the door. Apparently, he had no reason to worry on that front.

“I know who ya are,” she said in a thick East End accent. “You’re welcome to come in but,” she stepped forward and pointed a dishtowel at him threateningly. “You’ll be very, very sorry if you hurt my son again.” Somehow, Arthur had zero doubt about her ability to make him regret his actions, so he nodded embarrassingly fast. Satisfied, she smiled sweetly and stepped aside to let him in. “Please call me Hunith, dear,” she said, patting his cheek before leading him to what he assumed was the living room then rushing off to the kitchen to do… something, Arthur wasn’t sure.

The room seemed too small for the number of people it held. Two comfortable looking couches facing each other with a simple coffee table sitting in the middle were all crowded by party go-ers. Arthur could see glass doors leading to what he assumed was the backyard through the sea of people. There were a few people he recognized, many he didn’t, but that didn’t matter now _._

He scanned the room, looking for his intended target, then ran into another problem. Merlin looking absolutely _gorgeous_. A black button-down the fit much too well with the sleeves rolled up, and a pair of trousers that fit well enough to where he knew he’d be distracted if he saw the back of them. His brain stuttered to a halt, and any plan he had for an apology flew out the open window, completely forgotten.

From the bottom steps of stairs to the right leading to the second floor, Merlin spotted him and his expression immediately closed. It hurt but wasn’t unexpected. They stared at each other from across the room, neither willing (or able, in Arthur’s case) to make the first move.

He ran through his mental checklist. _Step one, crash party. Check. Step two… What was step two?_ It probably had something to do with Merlin, but his legs felt like jelly, and his stomach had filled with butterflies the moment he’d set eyes on ~~his~~ the dancer. _This was a terrible idea. A horrifying, embarrassing idea and I’ll never be able to show my face in public again,_ he thought desperately. Then he thought about Merlin's last words to him.

  
  


_“You’re a fool and a coward, Arthur Pendragon, but if you’re going to run away with your tail between your legs, be my guest.”_

  
  


Merlin’s voice rang through his mind. _I am a coward, aren’t I?_ Arthur grimaced internally, Then steeled himself. _Not anymore. I can be brave for him._ That thought was what gave him the push he needed to confront the man he loves. Time to improvise. He marched over to the stairs, stopping right in front of Merlin, who had stood up from his spot on the stairs, and held up his hand to silence Merlin before he could say anything.

“Merlin,” Arthur forced himself to look at Merlin as he spoke, “I’ve been an idiotic, egotistical, emotionally stunted coward.” Merlin’s eyebrows shot up. He hadn’t been expecting that. “It seems like every time I see you, I act like a fool. I was a fool to run away,” he hesitated. This was the hard part. “And I was a fool to think that I could live my life without you in it.” Merlin’s eyes widened and Arthur forced himself to continue before he lost his nerve. 

“Somehow, you’ve made a permanent home in my mind, I just can’t stop thinking about you and how stupid I was that night. It took me a while, far too long, to figure out what you realized long before.” He took a deep breath.

“I’m in love with you, Merlin Emrys. I need you by my side. And if you can forgive me for my stupidity, I swear I’ll make it up to you for the rest of our lives.”

Silence followed his declaration, and Arthur was suddenly acutely aware that the rest of the room had gone quiet. He closed his eyes and grit his teeth, not wanting to see Merlin’s face when he rejected him and kicked him out of the house. Then a resounding _SMACK_ rang out around the room and Arthur's eyes flew open in surprise. He rubbed his cheek where he’d been slapped, staring at Merlin, who had tears in his eyes. 

“You- You stupid dopplehead!” Merlin declared, before grabbing the lapels of Arthurs jacket and yanked him forward. Their lips crashed together, and Arthur realized then that Step 6 had been turned against him. When they finally pulled away the weight that had settled there the night at the club had been lifted from Arthur’s chest. 

  
  


He knew they had a long, bumpy road ahead of them, but they’d be okay.

Because they could finally breathe again.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope everyone is staying safe <3

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think in the comments! I love constructive criticism :) Stay safe my lovelies!


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